If you saw me driving in my car this morning, here's what I was really thinking instead of paying attention to the road.

Posted on December 8, 2009 by sandyb

Note to Self:

Smarten up.

The only way you’re ever going to get the things you want is if you decide they’re meant to be yours. So, frig, just decide already because seriously Self, you’ve been sitting on the pot too long, so just shit already. This applies to house-hunting, impending business plans, work, friendships and the Michael Kors bag that you didn’t buy for 60% off and now you’re telling everyone, “Well, I didn’t like it that much anyway..” which you know is a lie, because you did. You do. The next time designer anything is on sale, you don’t “think” about it, you act, dammit.

And while we’re in this traffic and sitting idly like sheep for slaughter, Self, you should know.. your blog is pissed at you and so are the wonderful people who read it. You give the blog no love these days, no love. And you and I both know why. You work too much! Where’s the fun in your life. Work, work, work, that’s all you do! What started out as a way to document your List has turned into more, sure, and it’s not always easy to sit down and spew heart-felt learnings that come about from reinventing via, quite possibly, the most important List you’re ever going to make. I get it. But seriously Self, just blog your ass off, because you know that writing is where your heart is.

And also, Self, you might want to consider bringing back the bangs. Although, you should check with your sister. This sort of matter really needs to be discussed, explored and then called to a vote. And you know it’s true.

Lastly Self, while I have you here, traffic is a douchebag on steroids. Hurry up and win the lottery or write a best-selling novel or screenplay (or strip, whatever) so you can hire an effing driver already, you know, like you’ve always wanted.

Think less. Want more. Act always.

Oh, and by the way, you’re officially late for work now, so forget about Starbucks.
****

Note to you:

I love my blog (and hope you do, too!) and after a pep talk with mySelf I’ve decided to do more of the things I love to do, without thinking so much. Really, because thinking is exhausting and complex and layered, and not like a good complex and layered, like layered cake or pudding, more like the bad kind of layered, like three sweaters and only one T-shirt and you’re not wearing a bra, so now you have to keep the sweaters on or risk nipping-out in front of total strangers, coworkers or neighbors you can’t stand.

See, exhausting.

Has your blog (or blogs you read) changed its direction or vibe since you started? How did/do you handle that? Do tell..
(PPS, one of my favorite bloggers, Not That Kind of Girl, is doing her FIRST ever blogiveaway today (he-hem, changing her blog direction in slight) and I totally love her moxy for it!! Check it out! (tell her sandyb sent you..).

I almost became a stripper, but then realized the late shift thing wasn't for me

Posted on October 4, 2009 by sandyb

Why “reinvent” anyway?

On one hand, wanting to reinvent myself could mean a couple of things:

1. I’m dissatisfied with my life.

2. I’ve watched the E! True Hollywood Story: Madonna episode too many times (like, eight times)

In either case though, you would have assumed wrong.. And everyone knows that when you “assume” you make an ASS out of U and ME.

..Anyways, that’s not what this post is about.

One day at Starbucks (you know, I effing mention them a lot and they don’t like, pay me or anything, but they totally should.. I’m awesome at drinking coffee) my sister and I were chatting about the next big thing in my life. For the last little bit I’ve just, I don’t know, felt ‘stuck’.. you know?

I mean, things were going right for me: Great job, bad-ass husband, hot friends, a solid sister, good skin, and a fairly decent cup size for my small frame. But yet the spice in my life had gotten a bit stale. It’s like when you leave cumin in the jar for a year and half, then bust it out to make your kick-ass turkey chili but then realize that you might as well have just dusted the whole pot in saw dust because that’s pretty much what your turkey chili tastes like now that it has that ancient spice all over it.

Sometimes, life just gets bland.

So my sister and I (let’s call her..um.. “Ashley”) are talking about the next thing I can do in my life to shake things up a bit and get fancy with my days again. It had been a few months since my last ‘big thing’ and I was craving a fresh something ‘er other to keep my juices flowing..

Because I’m nothing if not juicy.

Ashley: “I think you need to, um, I don’t know… change yourself up a bit.. new hair?”

Me: “Ah, no. That’s balls. Something better. This is the last year before 30 and I just really want to exit this mo-fo with a bang..”

Ashley: “I feel you. You need to reinvent yourself as someone…”

Me: “Better?”

Ashley: “No..”

Me: “Funner.. funner? Is that a word?”

Ashley: “No.”

Me: “..else?”

Ashley: “Yes.. you need to reinvent yourself someone else.. that’s what you need to do.”

Me: “But I do that every year.. you know the List. Make goals, check them off and poof, reinvented.”

Ashley: “That’s good shit, what you do there. Right there. You should tell others about reinventing themselves. There are A LOT of people feeling like you do right now.”

Me: “Word.”

And so, reinventing sandyb was born.

How I went from that conversation to the other end of this blog is still an effing mystery. But it’s here, so whatever. I’m going with it.

When I was in the first grade, there were two Sandy’s in the class: Sandy J and me, Sandy B. One of us became a stripper. And the other one is telling you about the other girl who became a stripper. And that’s the end of that sentence.

Since then, the name “Sandy B” stuck with me through most of grade school, and even in to high school. It annoyed me to have my name attached to a single letter like that at first, but then it became what set my name apart from everyone else. And isn’t that what we all want to be sometimes – set apart from the rest?

Today, even my coworkers call me sandyb.. and I’m almost sure my mom said it once, which was actually a little creepy, although I’m not sure why.

So when someone asks me, ‘why reinvent?’ I tell them two things:

1. I’d rather be boring, have bad breath, snort when I laugh, go to church, put cream in my coffee, not shave my armpits everyday, kiss an ugly girl with a moustache and have perma-pit stains than be complacent. Complacency is the root of all evil (and Nickle Back songs).

2. Because if Madonna did it, so can I.

So if you’re feeling ‘stuck’, ‘stank’, ‘stale’ or ‘bland’ like year-old cumin, I’d recommend doing the following within the next 24-hours for some shamless, instant reinvention gratification..

-Change your mind about one thing you know you’re ‘stuck’ on. For example: That guy who won’t commit already; that girl who doesn’t even know you exist; that friend who won’t return your phone calls; that boss who doesn’t even know you’re alive; those last five pounds. Get unstuck.

-Part your hair the other way. It might not seem like much, but I promise you, it will do wonders.

-Tomorrow, say hello to the people at work you never talk to. You never know, but you could be the one person they’ve been dying to talk to. I mean, you’re awesome, aren’t you? (p.s. only awesome people can read my blog..fyi)

-When you wake up tomorrow morning, tell yourself that you aren’t just going to some bullshit job. Instead, tell youself that those eight hours will be about practicing for the next big thing in YOUR life. Think of every experience as free education.

-And for God’s sake, make yourself a LIST.

So, do you have a reinvention List? Drop some of that gold in the comments area or hit me back: originalsandyb@gmail.com.

Yesterday I took the long way home just because it seemed more interesting. I got lost. It was awesome.

Posted on October 3, 2009 by sandyb

So, it turns out reinventing myself isn’t as easy as it looks. Or seems. Or I thought it would be. Not that I take the easy road or anything, or even have a map for it. And not that I’d use it if I did. I mean, where’s the fun in life if you can’t start up a blog about turning 30, decide you’re going to check everything off your List, start checking things off, get all introspective and analytical and shit, cry on the bathroom floor, decide you’re being an idiot, snap out of it, and then write it all down?

Admit it, you totally get me.

Is it worth so far? Absofuckinglutely.

Having a List has done some good things:

1. Others have started to reinvent. I’ve had people tell me that after stopping by the blog they’re also starting a List, which I think is fantastic. Once in a while, I come up with a nugget. Apparently the List is one of them. That’s solid.

2. I eat something green everyday. It’s good for me. On days I don’t eat my greens I feel like garbage: My energy is low, my mood is hit or miss and I’m pretty sure other people’s children bother me more than usual. If you’re thinking about making a List, I’d highly recommend spinach make it on there.

3. I’ve said exactly what’s on my mind. Since I turned 29, I told a friend she broke my heart; I told my landlord the people who live below us make me want to vomit; I told a guy who thinks I’m high maintenance that he just really thinks I’m out of his league; and I told my sister what I really think about the situation she’s in right now.

4. On my travels last month, I hung out at a nude beach (and I mean that literally). It was fantastic.

This might not sound like a lot, but these are all things I wasn’t doing this time last year. And that, my friends, is progress.

But something’s still missing.

I read recently that Maya Angelou once said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Before you start thinking, ‘Oh God’s she’s one of those assholes who goes around quoting people all the time…’ I don’t. But sometimes other people just know how to sum it up better than I do.

And with that, I have added #15:

Everyday, especially on my worst ones, I will do something for someone other than myself. I will remind my friends why I chose to love them; I will buy coffee for the person behind me at Starbucks; I will give my time and expect nothing in return; I will call my mom for no reason other than just because I know it makes her day; I will personally compliment the chef and not just tell the waiter; I will tell the girl at the checkout that her hair is totally bitchin; I will trade a criticism for a compliment; I will ask about your day, instead of telling you about mine.

Everyday, I will give away some awesome.

I'll keep this brief.

Posted on September 2, 2009 by sandyb

While pouring ridiculous amounts of non-fat milk into my Venti at Starbucks this morning, I got called “ma’am” by a girl much taller than me, but definitely younger. I need to digest this (and the milk. I think I’m lactose.)

That’s all I have the strength to write for now.

Sincerely,
Devastated