Tag Archives: inspirational thoughts

hit the gas.

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Yesterday, before a meeting with my new business partner (yes, thaaat’s right), I drove over a pylon (note: it took three tries to spell that word correctly… I don’t think I’ve ever had to write it before this post. Interesting.)

My neighbors have apparently caught our renovation disease and are fixing up their home, too. Adding a nursery, I think, since they have a baby due this September. Cool couple – easy going and social, like us. And, in true Toronto-free-loving fashion, they’re married lesbians. Obviously.

So, yesterday afternoon, as I hop into my [extremely messy and parking-ticket laden hatch back] I notice several pylons stacked around a white van parked right in front of me. They belong to the contractors working on our neighbor’s house. “These pylons are so close to my car,” I say to no one, but I think nothing of it, jump into the hatch back and drive away.

With a pylon underneath my car.

Loud and obscure noises start to drown out my car radio. “I hate this fucking car!” comes spilling out of my mouth in spades, because I’m convinced that yet another problem has arisen (like, the other day my car was towed – $250. and last month, I was hit from behind. and then I hit a pole… on the same day. um… I sure hope my insurance broker doesn’t read my blog.)

I call Rob to both laugh and complain about this weird noise coming from underneath the car. At this point, I still have no idea that I’m driving with a, um, passenger, if you will. “I think I might have hit a pylon,” I confess, “but c’mon! How stupid would that be? Besides, I’m wearing a really cute dress and I’m not crawling under the car to see what’s up.” He tells me there is no other way – I have to scooch on my hands and knees and see what’s going on. I hate when he’s right about these things, which, thankfully, happens rarely (ha! score one for me.)

Convinced that the universe is, once again, having a little fun with me, I pull over and crawl on my hands and knees to inspect. Nothing turns up. So, naturally, I get back in the car and keep driving for another block.

The noise only gets louder and now I’m laughing, certain that there is a pylon under my car as I’m on the way to a meeting and a networking event later that night. OF COURSE THERE IS A PYLON UNDER MY CAR.

For the second time, I pull over: I reverse, drive forward, reverse, drive, reverse, drive, etc etc. But my car births no pylon. It’s wedged up there, alright. Of course.

I get out of the hatch back again and notice a couple of neighbors are now watching me – I’ve become the afternoon entertainment for the old lady across the street who never leaves her porch and for the middle-aged man who always smells like wine. Perfect.  At least I know this whole episode is doing someone some good.

So, for the final time I get down on all fours and look under the car and, to my delight, there it is: The big orange pylon, squished and mashed, and adhered to the undercarriage of my car. Fabulous.

I take a couple of breaths. I’m both relieved that this problem can be fixed, yet miffed that it’s now confirmed, yes, I’ve somehow managed to drive over a big, orange object  in the middle of the road (the wine-smelling guy is surely thinking, ‘humph, women drivers…’).

On hands and knees now, I yank on the pylon a couple of times, determined to get it out as quickly as possible – there is no way I’m staying down here for more than a few seconds, I think to myself.  I have my limits.

Within a few heartbeats, I set it free, toss it to the side of the road, hop in my car, blast the radio and drive off into the thick Toronto heat (oh, did I mention there is no longer AC in my car?) to have a very productive evening on the town.

And that, dear readers of this little ole blog, is how I problem solve.

What ever gets in your way today, don’t let it stop you from moving forward.


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Get lost.

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I’m thinking about two things right now (well, more than two, but these two relate to this blog, so.)

I’m thinking about the end of my current List and the start of my next one. I’m thinking that, before 31, I’d like to get lost somewhere. In another country. Inside my heart. Inside my head. Although, in my 20s, I’d say I spent a lot of time feeling lost inside my head – too many thoughts to count, too many anxious moments to remember. This time, if I decide to get lost in there – inside my thoughts and deep within my heart – I know I’ll be bringing a little more ‘know-how’ with me. An imaginary map on which I’ve been the exclusive cartographer. Each ‘X’ is a place I’ve been emotionally, mentally and spiritually. This time, I’ll choose to go back there or just take another road because it’ll feel familiar to me. That’s what I (you) can look forward to with each passing year; every birthday.

Your map. becomes. more. accurate.

All I can really hope for is the road in my 30s is a little less bumpy in certain spots and a lot more scenic. With magnolia trees.

What ‘Xs’ are on your map for the year ahead?

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Things I learned at 29: Getting caught up

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And I don’t mean when you’re falling behind – I mean the stuff that you think puts you ahead but really, truly, leaves you behind with all the rest.

So, who is the rest? Everybody.

Everybody getting caught up in the things that add up to nothing:

-Getting pissed off in traffic;
-Working a job you hate but convince yourself is necessary to have (because you never really give yourself the credit to do the things you want);
-Caring about rising mortgage rates or buying in a high market;
-Feeling like your friends are always ahead of you in life;
-Caring that the clerk at the gas station ‘ripped you off’ 10 cents;
-Giving into gossip that happens at every family dinner or around the water cooler at work;
-Going out of your way to a ‘Red Tag Sale’ on things that you really don’t need or will rarely ever use, but you buy anyway. Just because;
-Planning your wedding according to what everyone else wants and feeling like you don’t even want that day to come anymore;
-Giving a shit for longer than five minutes how rude your boss was to you in a meeting (get over it, they sure did);
-Drooling over the lives of celebrities who will never know who you are, or care, and who are likely more insecure than you are on any given day;
-Hating the state of your life, but not bothering to do anything about it.

These are the things that we get caught up in, but will surely lead us nowhere. We’re all guilty of it (oh, oh me!) and now it’s time to turn. it. off.

On the List of Things I Learned At 29, don’t get caught up in things that don’t propel me forward is up there. Way, way up there.

How about you?

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This is what relearning what you're made of looks like..

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Whoever said that the little things add up to be big things was right.

Amidst the beautiful and fluffy pillows, surrounded by the Happiest Place on Earth, I started to cry. And my husband just looked at me and then he hugged me, hard.

“What can I do?” he asked.

To which I replied, “I don’t think there’s an easy answer. But I need to fix this on my own.”

I cried hard that afternoon, released. I cried to so hard I sobbed, and strange noises came out of my throat, from deep, deep inside.  Ya, it was one of those cries.

So what had me so up in arms? Near devastation?

Frustration.. with myself. With friendship. With dreams. With time. With indecision. Frustration with frustration. You know the feeling I’m talking about? It’s the worst, and so exhausting, and in that moment I finally collapsed. So many little things had just added up to one big thing – one very big cry. But why then? All I can think is that when you finally just give yourself a moment of pause, a second to simmer down, some things will just inevitably boil to the surface- like the way a cold hits you while you’re vacationing in the tropics or you crash early on a Friday night after a week that’s worn you out – when you least expect it, when you’re the most vulnerable, the little things will add up and you will react. Just part of being a silly human, I guess.

But this post isn’t about my sadness though, it’s about my hope for better things to come, because they always do.

I’ve learned, in the last few months especially, there is no amount of money, there is no neighborhood, no trip, no fancy job, no designer handbag and no amount of yoga that can fill the gaps you’ve allowed to separate you from your life.

I’ve learned that as charmed as life can be, as mine is, there is so much more I want to feel, to be, to understand. There really is no limit to happiness, but for some reason I thought there should be- I thought, long ago, I had reached my quota and run out of happy. “This is it! This is as good as gets and you really should stop striving for more, you silly, spoiled girl. You’ve done it all for a gal your age, so just be content already!” That little thought added up to one very big cry.

You see, for some time I’ve lived by those limits, even though I knew there was so much more I could do, could be, and that meant not always living as authentically as I am programmed to- not being fair to the things that make me tick.

During this reinvention of mine I’ve also learned that living against the grain is one thing – a good thing – but living against your own grain is not. Inevitably you will turn into someone else, someone you don’t quite recognize anymore. Someone who cries at the Happiest Place on Earth.

And so there, amidst tears, pillows and my husband’s arms, I’m gave myself permission to enjoy the things I deserve when they finally come to me, because I know, deep down, they will.

Since that cry, I’ve decided to make some changes. I’m ready to be myself again. That day I relearned what I thought I knew, but had so obviously forgotten:

I have a say in what goes on here.

I hope this post inspires you, even a little bit, to ask yourself today, “Am I being real with myself?” And “If judgment, criticism or fear were not hindrances, but fuel for my dreams, what would I do with the next year of my life? Really.”

But I must tell you, when you ask yourself this, bring tissues. And some fluffy pillows.

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