Lady GaGa’s “Bad Romance” came on the radio. I chewed my gum emphatically and just smiled. THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE, we thought to ourselves, as though it were something more grand, like the Great Wall of China or Everest’s Base Camp.
But it wasn’t.
It was just a little thing I always wanted to do. And did.
And so, to me – to us – it just felt that much better. It was the perfect amount of enough.
Reinventing SandyB from Mark Rabo on Vimeo.
**If you’re having trouble seeing this vid, click here! Video shot and edited by the talented Mark Rabo
On my List, there are a few items that were more than just one-off goals (like skydiving, tattooing etc). Some, such as “take care of my skin”, “eat greens everyday” and “shape up more” were year-long goals. I accomplished them. This video explains how, including my favorite skin products, how I make a spinach shake that actually tastes like wild berries and how I workout. Although I’m not in the “best shape of my life”, I definitely feel good about where my body is… but would I love more muscles? Flatter abs? A tighter butt? Hell yes. But, for a new 30-something, I’m happy with my bod [when I'm clothed... but whatever].
[Editor's note: The List of Products I Mention!] I’ve received a couple of emails suggesting that I list the products I talk about in the video. Good idea and thank you!
1. Kiehl’s Ultimate Facial Cleanser
2. Philosophy Microdelivery Peel
3. Midnight Recovery Concentrate
4. SkinCeuticals SPF 20 Daily Sun Defense
6. Rocky Mountain Soap Co. Foot Butter
*I’m not endorsed by any of these companies*
I think my garden has changed my life. But, before I explain that ridiculous statement, do you know what the top search terms are to get to my blog via Google? Of course you don’t, so I’ll tell you:
“being 30 no kids”
“married no children”
“what to tell people why i don’t have kids”
“sandyb blog”
“sandyb nude” (although I’m pretty sure the guy I married is possibly responsible for this one. Or the guy at the coffee shop on Dundas Street. Anybody’s guess.)
Now, I’m no expert on the subject of “30 no kids”, but I am one-half of a married couple (ages 29 and 31) with no children and no immediate plans to have them. Does that make me the guru on the topic? Hardly. But does it give me something to say about it? Why not.
As I enter into the final stages of 20something-dom (72 days) more and more folks ask Rob and I about having kids. Or rather why we’re not having them. I usually get the “baron?” look from the asker (which I’m not), followed by a “why not then?”
My response is always the same (for those Googling how to handle that question, keep reading):
“Not the right time”, is my usual quip, to which a “..but when is the right time?” is almost always the retort by the person asking (snooping?).
Let me start by posing a question out to you, dear readers of this little ‘ole blog and to the Interweb universe, where anything and everything is asked:
Do you know how hard it is to upkeep a garden?
Last night I planted my first vegetable garden in the yard of our new-old house (which is still in the process of its own reinvention..work, work work!). That was followed by a day that started with my personal trainer (he’s slowly trying to kill me, I think), renewing our street-parking passes (I’m on my sixth ticket… this month), eating lunch at my steering wheel while intensely following the weather report (will I need to water my garden?), fighting traffic in and out of the city (damn you construction!), arranging and going to meetings for my new venture (details to come), eating some more, cleaning the kitchen (twice), soaking my aching body in a hot bath (again, thank you to my personal trainer, Big V) and unpacking bits of my life from cardboard boxes that have been sitting in our tableless dining room for one month. One whole month. When we moved. Serenity now!
So I ask you: who the hell has time for kids?
“Well, make time”, people say, “having children is the greatest gift… blah blah blah...” And, although I have yet to hear someone say that having a baby was the worst decision they ever made (I mean, show me a momma who doesn’t love her mini-me) the truth is, that, for every person that says “when?” two more say, “wait!”
When it comes to kids, everybody has an opinion.
And so, because not having kids at 30 is one of the most searched items on this blog, here’s my humble opinion on the subject:
I know that my life – our life – is one of complete and utter indulgence in us. It’s about sleeping in on Sunday, strolling to get brunch with friends, staying out late, taking one month to pick out paint colors, taking impromptu trips to New York City and planting tomatoes at 8:30pm on a Wednesday. Our life is all of those things, and more. So for all the “when?” people in the back row : feed, burp, change shitty diapers, feed again, burp again, change again, play with and put to bed has no place in a life like ours.
My final thoughts on the subject go something like this:
If and when that time to spread our seed does make its way into my day planner of life, I want to be ready for it with open arms, an open heart, comfortable shoes and enough dough in my budget to hire a gardener, because as I learned last night, planting tomatoes in the rain ‘aint no child’s play. But it’s exactly where we want to be.
Also, my mother-in-law (who has a true green thumb) and I have finally found a wonderful common ground in my garden. She called me this morning and asked, “So, how are the tomatoes, Sandy? Do you need my help?” To which I replied, “Nope, all done. They’re ready to grow.”
She seemed pleased.
It may not be the grandkid with pinch-worthy cheeks and her son’s eyes that she had hoped for, but I still absorbed her knowledge to make our little garden grow and managed to make her feel like a part of something that Rob and I have made together.
For now, it’s the only seed Rob and I will be fertilizing in the near future. And everyone that matters to us seems to be okay with that.
What the hell is wrong with me? …Or, is it very, very right?
Hmmm.
I have two new vids for you, with profanity (although you have to listen closely…) that were taken during our renos..which are still ongoing. Forever. Seriously speaking, I’m not too sure these “fixes” will ever end. I mean, what happened to, “Oh, the house doesn’t need much work.. just some paint, cleaning, that sort of thing.” Phef.
Although, I won’t complain because I’ve been through renovations before and I can tell you it’s worth it. Clearly, everything in my life is getting a bit of a reinvention this year. Hm. Never really thought of it that way, but I guess it fits.
(PS, if anyone knows of a great interior designer in the Toronto area who won’t rip me off, has a groovy style (and a love of old things), please let me know! What color to paint the kitchen cabinets is stressing Rob out. Ha!)
(PPS, I’m working with a personal trainer. Who body builds. Seriously. All part of my plan to cross #5 off my List. My trainer’s name is Big V. His biceps are bigger than my right leg. Maybe even my right and left combined. But he’s kicking my ass all the way to fitsville and I have the sorest legs, butt and calves to prove it. Was thinking about posting this, ah-hem, transformation on the blog… thoughts?)