Monthly Archives: January 2012

sushi and the guest house.

Posted on by
6

There is nothing worse than not feeling happy and not knowing why the fuck that is.

It’s a struggle when you feel like jumping off a ledge some days, and yet, everyone consistently mentions “how lucky” you are to have the life that you do.

It sucks when you don’t feel the way other people do about your own life.

You feel as though maybe you’re fucking crazy or that you’ve totally missed the point to being alive, so you seek out the answers in external things, like books, and “experts”, and “holistic retreats”, and “yoga”, and a “puff puff” here and a “puff puff” there, until you finally come full circle to realize that there is actually nothing wrong with the way you feel about your life. You’re just feeling low right now and that’s ofuckingkay.

I used to comb the aisles of books stores looking for answers to difficult questions about things. I once bought a book called, “Twenty Something, Twenty Everything”, hoping that I’d find the reason for why I was feeling so much shit, all the time: love, then hate, then confusion, then knowing I want to be a writer, then not knowing if I want to be a writer, then knowing that I want to get married, then not knowing if I want to get married, then taking that job, quitting that job, hating that person, then loving them….

Two things I’ve learned about life in general so far:  First, nobody has ever written a book that contains any reasonable answers to any of those things I mentioned above. So stop trying to find them in stuff like this. Those things can only provide insight, not the truth.

At the end of the day, you will always experience life in your own way; best you can do is try and commiserate with other people in a similar situation and be honest about what’s on your mind. But beware of telling the wrong people too much – predators come in all shapes and sizes, so I advise modesty when it comes to opening up your heart to just anyone with a trusting smile. Nowhere did I learn that the most than in my late 20s.

Secondly, I have learned that emotions are probably the thing holding you back from wherever it is you feel you want to be doing with your life, at any given moment. Having emotions doesn’t equal being “emotional”, which, for the record, is not something that’s exclusive to women. Men are emotional too. The macho ones? Emotional cripples. And the ones who are acting like they don’t care all the time? Those ones have more emotional scars than celebrity children.

I feel as though I’m getting off track here. I only wanted to relay a message that the days when you feeling like you’re really going to lose your shit or give up or tell your boss to fuck off or trash talk yourself into a depression or slouch on the sofa all day or sabotage the very best things in your life.. on those days, especially on those days, I hope you can try and remember:

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

I wish I wrote that, but that is “The Guest House” by Rumi, not me. My friend Jessica read it to me today over sushi and miso soup, and I realized that I hadn’t really ever paid attention to that poem before. And yet, those are words that say it all – we are not our emotions; they are simply guests that come and go. Treat them with dignity by acknowledging their arrival… and then kick them the fuck out.

I hope this post is something you needed today, that maybe it was even the sign that you were looking or something. It hit me pretty good when I had it read to me, and I liked it.

Thought you might, too.

-sandy.

 

 

image.

 

Share

a thought on the business of blogging.

Posted on by
Reply

I want to hand it, to all of those women out there who have managed to turn their “lifestyle” blogs into a viable business for themselves, whether that’s been through free stuff, book deals, trips or cash. Hats off to you, Ladies, for making money at taking pictures of and writing about the things that females love, but don’t really talk about with other females, like painting our nails, shaving our legs, plucking eyebrows and stalking the lives of other women, with full permission.

Thank you for being that girl who said, “Fuck it, I’m doing this” and proceeded to garner an audience of thousands of women you’ve never met, by sharing the contents of your closets, bedrooms, kitchens and sock drawers. You’ve shared stories of how you met your husband, the details of your wedding, even the labor and delivery of your children – things that just don’t seem as interesting coming from the people I know in real life. Odd, I know.

Thank you for telling us the shit that no one else does..or at least the shit that I don’t know, like how exactly do you make the most perfect fucking rice krispie square of all time. For that stuff, I turn to the blogs of other women, who have turned domestic details and fun senselessnes into a business.

Thank you, for being those women who have turned advice, like how to better organize your purse, into a topic of discussion, because honestly, this is not the kind of shit I talk about with my friends. We talk about other things, like our careers, relationships, sex and love, and about our various digestive problems. Rarely, if ever, do we discuss other important grown up matters like how to put together a cheese plate, how to apply false eye lashes properly or what do you say to a friend after a breakup. For stuff like that, I turn to blogs of other women who are just like me, only they’ve figured out how to get attention for stuff they do everyday already. Like go to work. Come. On.

To these savants, I bow to you.

 

-sandy.

 

image.

 

Share

3 things to do in Toronto

Posted on by
Reply

Although I have a love-hate relationship with Toronto, there is never a shortage of things to do here in the city. It’s one of the few things I’d miss if I ever left the city, which I think I’ll do at some point in my life, because there is something to be said for living by the water, amongst the trees and far, far away from public transit that sucks. Someday, I will be part of that world. But for now, I live in Toronto and, if you also live here or are visiting here in January or February, here are 3 things you can do, right now, for fun:

1. See the film the “Tree of Life” at the Revue. Why? Well, I saw this film in Paris and feel it can only truly be appreciated on the big screen – gorgeous cinematography and things that burst and so many colors. Dinner and drinks at The Ace, before or after, also high on my list of things to do while in that area.

2. Go listen to “Unbuilt Toronto 2″ tonight: a talk on what Toronto could have looked like. One of the things I lament when it comes to Toronto is the (lame) architecture – for every beautifully restored 19th century building our city deems a Heritage Site (our own house is a Heritage House, I think, built 1890 or so), there is a monstrosity of a glass, hipster condo being built not far away, destroying the cityscape. To indulge the “what if Toronto wasn’t run by unimaginative, Boys’ Club politicians” person in you, this talk could be up your alley. It’s being held at the Toronto Reference Library, which is a nice building.

3. Not far from my stomping ground, Vesuvio Restaurant (killer pasta, by the way) houses the Bending Spoons Gallery, which is exhibiting photos by Katie Genaro through February 29, in a show called “Seeing Sounds”. The photos span from 2007-2011, of various bands she’s photographed in Toronto. I haven’t seen the show myself yet, but likely will soon.

So there you have it. ..don’t say “there’s nothing to do” around here, because clearly there’s a thing or two.

p.s., I found two out of three of these listings via The Grid, which is a solidly written, free paper, not written by the Boys Club.

-sandy.

 

image source.
Share

hanging up photos

Posted on by
2

We have some art on our walls, but not many personal photographs. Every place we’ve lived as a couple, only a small handful of favorite pictures have made it into frames. Most of those I lean up against furniture, and I can count on one hand how many personal photos have hung on our walls: four. I don’t have a reason for that. But I know I’d like to hang more personal photos on the walls in our house.

My mom, for Christmas, gifted us a gorgeous framed copy of our wedding thank-you notes: the front photo is of Rob and I – he’s looking into the camera smiling and I’m laughing with that classic bridal head-throw-back thing that always looks fake, if you ask me, although I know in that moment, mid-head-tilt, I was really laughing. I was happy. Plus, Rob is a very funny guy, you see.

So, I thought I’d start by thinking of other good moments we’ve had over the last few years – individually and as a pair – so that I, like my mom, can blow them up to a 5×7 size and immortalize them behind glass. It was a very thoughtful gift.

I debated sharing what my next photo would be, since I guess it’s a bit shallow: it’s of me. But this was a good moment in Paris and I’d like to put it somewhere I can see it, in my house, on those days when I feel whatever the reverse of home-sick is. Because that’s what it feels like some days, when all I want to do is be back here, in this picture:

Sadly, the program I used to edit this photo – picnik.com – will be shutting down on April 19. I’m think I’m going to be setting aside some time each week to edit a few more favorite photos (like the one of Rob last summer, holding up the biggest fish he ever caught) in preparation for their new homes in a mix of frames. I might post what that wall ends up looking like, but no promises. This could take some time.

-sandy.

Share