Technology hates me.
Last night was a late one. Rob and I stayed up until the wee hours desperately trying to upload a video of my latest List cross-off. I was so excited, only to have my hopes dashed, tortured and burned to ashes when I learned that my new Sony Handycam hates me. Really.
I can’t figure out how to upload videos to my Mac. I’m working on the defect (the camera, not my dramatic overload – it stays) and will post my video once this glitch is sorted out. Ugh.
On the upside, I’ve decided to take this opportunity to talk about something other than being 29. I’m going to talk about being 24.
In the early days of this blog, I wrote a letter to my younger self, telling her the things that I wish she had known then. Blah, blah, blah, hindsight is 20/20, so I won’t dwell. Instead, I’ll just dispense today.
It seems nothing feels in focus when you’re 24. For some, turning 25 is the big milestone and so 24 becomes “the new 29” in many ways, being that it’s the last stop before you feel you need to make some serious changes and advances if you’re ever going to ever be happy. Um, no pressure? I’m not suggesting this is true about 24, I’m simply sympathizing with that feeling. It’s very real.
There is a special young person in my life who, for the purpose of this post, shall remain nameless. There is also another young woman and blogger, Cheryl of Starbucks Break, whom this post is dedicated to. In fact, it’s for anyone under 29 who ever felt stuck, confused, depressed about where life is headed or wanted to heave him or herself out of window because, well, sometimes, shit just feels that bad.
I’m going to break this down the best way I know how – with a list, of course. These are the three areas I hear young people (particularly young women) analyze to death, agonize over and stress out about (careful, grey hair responds to stress).
These three items are things I lost my mind over when I was 24, too, so although that doesn’t make me an expert, it certainly makes me more qualified than, say, Dr. Phil. Read on:
Love: Stop looking for the person who you want to spend the rest of your life with, because you’ve already found the one who will be there until your dying day: You.
My aunt, whom I love so dearly it hurts, once asked me why I didn’t want to marry my boyfriend at 24 (for the record, I did marry that boyfriend a few years later). Being 24 had everything to do with not wanting to be married and nothing to do with not wanting to be married. I just really didn’t know what marriage meant to me yet. It had very little to do with the fact that, after 25 years of marriage, my parents divorced, leaving my sister and I turned on our ears. I was hurt by their divorce, but it didn’t jade my judgment of nuptials. In fact, it made me take a long hard look at what it meant to be married and ultimately made me realize that I did want to be married someday, just not right then. I wasn’t ready to let marriage define me before I had defined myself.
Sum it up already: You’re going to be with you for a long time; define that relationship first, worry about love later.
Friendships: I was always the girl not lucky in friendlove, like I wrote about here. Here’s what I knew at 24 but only started absorbing at 29: Surround yourself with people who add value to your life. And no, I don’t mean, “use people” and dispense them when not needed. I mean connect with people who add actual value that helps you develop who you are. Have as many friends as you can and try not to pigeonhole yourself into a particular group – have different friends for different things. Like your spouse or lover, you can’t rely on just one friend for everything either, so stop searching for the perfect friend – collect wonderful people instead.
Sum it up already: If your friend feels like an old shoe, you’ll keep using bandages to cover up the blisters they leave behind. Keep moving.
Career: Like a partner, a best friend or a shade of red lipstick, is there really a perfect one? Jobs, I’m afraid are fleeting. What you need to find yourself is a passion. I recently heard, “Do you know what job stands for? Just. Over. Broke.” They give you just enough to make you have to come back the next day for more. You get into a cycle and then, eventually, you tell yourself, “This is my career” and maybe even trick yourself into believing it. But trust me, a so-called career without passion is just a J.O.B situation.
For years after graduation I pimped out my words to websites, marketing brochures, B2B magazines, lame resumes, press releases, newsletters and dreaded executive summary reports. I needed to make a living and told myself everyday that it was all “great experience”. Experience? What was I trying to get experienced for? If my plan was to keep bouncing from job to job with little drive or passion for what I was doing, then yes, I was gaining fabulous experience. This sound like you?
Sum it up already: If you have a goal or passion or pursuit, I really very highly and strongly suggest that you aim for it as many times as you can because eventually, you’ll hit your target. And the money will come.
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Join the conversation: Pass this post along if you wish, I would be honored. Or tell me what you learned about being 24. Or, better yet, do you think I’m off my rocker?
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Large Community, good all!
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you. are. so. wise.
a friend of mine just passed your url on to me and said i should check it out because i’d like it.. and i’ve spent the last 20 minutes or so (at work, no less!) reading through a bunch of your posts; but this one… *this!* one is definitely one that i needed to have found yesterday. it was one of those days. y’know?
anyhow, great job. love the blog. :)
Really? Someone told you to stop by? I’m pumped.. thank you! My sister is turning 25 next month and I’m always dispensing advice. I love doing it and, with encouraging words like these, I’ll indulge a little more often.
I just turned 27 and am living abroad, trying to figure out if I want to move home or stay abroad.. and see what will happen.
I hate having so many questions bounce in my head but knowing that others are also in the same place is very helpful.
I loved what you said about love because I couldn’t agree more!! Thank you for this post, it was very comforting.
Thank you saying this and for stopping in. Wow, you’re traveling right now? Jealous. Good for you! If you really want to know what you’re about, spend time traveling alone, that’s what I always say (and I’ve done). Wow, you’d be surprised at who you meet (and I don’t mean other people.)
Thanks for that post. Like many of the people commenting, I’m 23 and already feeling crazy about all of these things. The thing that resonates most with me is remembering daily that I’ve already found the person I’ll spend the rest of my life with: me.
Hii! I found this post through Cheryl’s blog and I like your blog! For someone who’s about to be 24 in less than 6 months – this is good to see! I’m thinking I’ll make it a point to read it often so even when I feel like my world is imploding around me – I can read logic!
Amen to everything you said sister!
Having crossed that quarter life crisis I’ve often thought, “If only I knew then what I know now!” But life isn’t about the “what if’s” it’s about the right now. Learning to be honest with ourselves and what we need in the moment is key to navigating through the tough times.
Well, 24 was a while ago for me, but your post brought it all back accurately in a snappy turn of phrase! Great post, Sandy, I loved it (and agreed with all of it)!
Interesting. As I sit here at 24 (turning 25 in a month) I couldn’t agree more with your note, especially the part about marriage. When I turned 24 I didn’t really feel like there needed to be a big change, but for some reason turning 25 makes me feel like I gotta get my sh*t together fast! On top of that there is so much pressure to make the right decisions when it comes to love, my career and basically everything else in life. I think the promise I’ve made to myself is that I won’t be ‘settling down’ with anyone until I know who I am and I love who I am, until then I’ll be happily unmarried!
I found your blog via Ali’s. I’ll be 24 next month, and I think you said it perfectly; especially about passion Vs. job. You have made my Wednesday Sandy. I thank you.
Oh Sandy I loved this post! It is so awesome to know that other people think about this stuff and that I am not alone in stressing! lol
All I can say is…..”(smile on my face)Thanks” for this post.
What an awesome post. Seriously. I’m 27, and right in the middle of starting to realize a lot of what you’ve just mentioned. I am stuck between thinking I need to find the perfect job/boyfriend, friends… and I’m realizing that they probably don’t exist. Thank you for this!
I loved this! Absolutely loved it!
I re-tweeted you! :)
These are all great points. Especially the one about looking for love. I feel like our culture obsessively searches for love and tells women this is what they NEED to be happy (at least this is the message I get whenever I watch chick flicks). I wish I had spent more time in my early 20′s developing MYSELF. But you live and learn right?!
Here is my list of lessons learned in my 20′s (I think this is from BEFORE we started reading each others blogs!)
http://www.skinnydip.ca/?id=5032091402517011047
PS. Looking forward to cocktails soon! xo
This is music to my OMG-I’m-about-to-be-24-and-am-freaking-out-because-where-is-my-life-going? ears. Thank you thank you thank you.
And tweet tweet: http://twitter.com/alicany/status/10592623362
This post resonates with me so much. I am about to turn 25 and am freaking out about all of these things. I have a hard time leaving work at work. I don’t have a lot of friends and agonize about the ones I have lost along the way. Thank you for posting this. It has really helped me realize I am going the right way and just need to keep swimming.
Awwww, thank you so much for this Sandy. It feels good to hear it from someone who’s been there :) I’m 24 and turning 25 in less than 2 months .. I expect a lot of myself and I feel like a hot mess most of the time ! But I guess that’s what this age is for ..
Your articles are for when it absolutely, psoiteivly, needs to be understood overnight.
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I love you for this. This is exactly where I am right now trying to define everything and anything. It’s so overwhelming when you don’t know what you want to do with your life, and everyone is all over you trying to get you to get it together already, and you just feel inadequate because how is everyone getting married already when you haven’t even decided if you’re even pro-marriage. ANYWAY. What I’m trying to say is, thank for this post, and the reassurance that everything is going to be fine even if it may not be now, and yes I will pass this along to everyone I know who is going through the same thing, and I’m more hopeful for tomorrow because of you and this post. You’re so awesome x
Great post. I’m 21 and about to graduate from University. I couldn’t agree more with you on the love thing – love yourself first. Always!
Like any young, ambitious 21-year-old I’m excited and ready to jump headfirst into my first real job as an Account Assistant at PR/Marketing company. I’ve interned for the last year and I’m really excited to “start” my career. My eventual goal is to work fully from home as a marketing consultant and writer and I know that’s what I have to keep at the forefront of my mind as I work towards it!
You hit the nail on the head about being 24, going on 25…I’m there and yes, I feel completely lost and confused in all three areas that you mention. My only solace is that occasionally I get a glimpse of how I’m growing and changing into the person I want to be instead of the irresponsible party girl I was before. Thank you for writing this!
man, I need this post! What an awesome way to say it all, short and sweet and amazing! I’m turning 25 this year and I’m TERRFIED.
I totally relate to this. I just turned 25 in December and this past year has been a tough one. I’ve felt really lost, in all 3 of the areas you mention above, and unsure. I went from thinking I had all the answers to having none. Very frustrating. I’m still in that situation, but I’m doing what I can to examine myself and my merits, my likes and dislikes, the person I want to be. I’m still unsure about many things but really isnt that life? We never know what’s going to happen, so you can really only plan for 6 mths ahead at most. I’m trying to slow down and just enjoy life as much as I can, not worry so much about finding all the answers. I’m finding by doing that, answers come to you eventually and so clearly that you wonder how you missed them earlier!
Anyway, I’m yammering on but the point is there is an epidemic out there of what can be called the “quarter-life crisis”, and I know because I’m living it. It’s nice to hear some advice from someone who made it to the other side and has learned to work at what they love. I hope I can be in your position in a few years!