Monthly Archives: November 2009

If you think I hate kids, you're totally off-side. I actually think they're cute. Sometimes.

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The other day, I was doing #15 on my List and thought it would be a good idea to spread the love. Here goes:

While in line at one of my favorite neighborhood bakeries, there was a plethora of gingerbread cookies laid out for sale. Now let me tell you that I love all things gingerbread, cinnamon, ginergy, spicy, and especially things that taste like gingerbread-cinnamon-gingery-spice. Drool.

There was a little girl – quite cute, actually, with long brown, curly hair and big blues eyes – waiting behind me to buy bread. Her mom stood outside.

Then a young family – mom with three kids – walked in to stand in line, too.

The gingerbread-cinnamon-gingery-spice cookies were on everyone’s mind. Pleas and begs came from all the young girls to their mothers to just have the effing cookies… “PLEASE!”.

Now I’m sure you know where this is going, but wait. Hear me out. Most people in my circles think I don’t like kids, hate them in fact, which actually isn’t true. Do I think kids can be obnoxious? Smelly? Loud? Attention mongers? Sure, guilty as charged. But this is exactly why I thought it would be a good-out-of-my-ordinary thing to buy all four girls in the bakery those cookies.

And I did.

Normally I just buy overpriced coffee for adults with their own bank accounts who really don’t need to be drinking any more caffeine anyway.  I needed to branch out.

I didn’t want to be heard, so I whispered the plan to the cashier, paid for my items (cookies included) and walked out. Smiling.

As I walked down Roncesvalles Ave., I knew that a few stores away there were four little girls being told, “That lady who just left bought you all cookies…” (And then I thought, hey, she better have said “lady” and not “woman” because, what the hell Lady at the Bakery, I’m only 29. And then I was walking down Roncesvalles with a dirty look, all mean-eyes, but then Rob was like, “what the hell is your problem?” and I snapped out of it pretty quick because, well, I doubt the Lady at the Bakery even knows who I am or my age. And she was actually quite nice.)

Anyway.

The thing about doing #15 on my List is that it’s a real win-win for everyone involved: The independent bakery who scored (albeit small but nonetheless) a few extra sales; the girls who got their “PLEASE MOM!” cookies; and moi, who is on a mission to reinvent her usual life and habits and thoughts.

The odd thing is that I’m sharing it here and, well, I feel like a bit of a big face doing so – “Look at me… I’m SO generous..” Not true. I really don’t think that at all. I thought it was more important to spread it by blogging, hoping that you will do #15, then blog about it, too.

So, the real point to the story is, you should always spoil the dinner of neighborhood children with cookies.

So, you have a moment when a stranger did this for you or you did this for a stranger?

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Blog anonymity. Overrated?

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There have been times I haven’t always been able to be as open as I’d like on this blog. It’s not because I don’t want to or don’t know how to express myself, it’s just that sometimes expression has consequences. Now wait a second.. before you think, “Hello! Isn’t a blog supposed to be a place where you’re UNCENSORED?” Let me tell you that self-publishing can be a double-edge sword. But I’m sure some of you have already considered this, particularly when you were deciding whether or not to blog under another name or identity. Even if the answer was obvious for you, at some point you still had to consider your options.

On one hand blogging openly is a way to thoroughly spew the contents of your mind and get feedback from people you know. I know that when my aunt who lives six hours a way is thinking of me, she types my url into her browser and then, poof, there’s my life spelled out for her. We stay connected and, without even trying, I let her in. When I decided to start this blog to document my last year as a twenty-something, I knew I wanted to be “sandyb”. I knew I would be comfortable posting pictures and talking about my husband or sister or neighborhood. All these things are a part of me – it just seemed natural to blog about them.

There are days I couldn’t imagine separating my reinvention journey from my real life. I even send out links to my posts on Facebook hoping that people will enjoy my writing and possibly even get inspired. I am a journalist by day, so it seemed like a good idea to connect with people the best way I know how – with my writing. And when someone takes the time to tell me that they’re feeling inspired to start their own Lists or that they simply enjoy reading my posts, it seems worth giving up a bit of my anonymity. I mean, don’t you love knowing that your thoughts are enjoyed?

On the other hand – the other edge of that sword – there have been days I wish I could just confess how hard it can be to look this deeply at my life. For all the fun I have coming up with new things to try and add to my growing List, there are moments when introspection is rough on me. There have been days when I wished I could just blog about my sadness, my fears or my anger. These emotions are as much a part of my journey as the good ones, and lately they’ve even been more prevalent. These are the times I second-guess my decision to be semi-public with my blog and when I wish that “sandyb” didn’t have a Facebook page.

More than once I’ve considered deleting my blog or going underground, only to emerge under a new identity, emailing only a few loyal readers and fellow bloggers to tell them, “Hey, it’s OK.. I’m over here now. Same gal, new url.” If it sounds like I’ve given it some thought, well, you wouldn’t be far off. But not to worry, I’m still here with no plans to abandonblog any time soon. I have a lot of work to do yet, both on and off the keyboard.

My final thoughts on the subject go a little something like this:  Anonymity seems to break and create boundaries simultaneously. For every anonymous post that connects with hundreds, even thousands, there is a part of you that never gets to bathe in the thrill of that recognition. But, but.. For every post where you’ve had to hold back for fear of offending, divulging too much or patronizing, there is equally a part of you that goes unnoticed.

In either case anonymity, or the lack thereof, creates limitations and that, my friends, is the sharpest edge of all.

 

Just a little something on my mind tonight.

 

So, where do you stand on bloganonymity?

And if you don’t have a blog, but read them, what’s your take – do you read anonymous blogs or public ones?


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I'm Not That Kind of Girl.

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Hello? Hello?

Ok, so after weeks of dropping comments on one another’s blogs, Not That Kind of Girl decided to take our blogaffair to the next level. …She emailed me.

I am one flattered chick to be posting there today because she is a fabulously talented, witty, and daring writer. She’s on a mission to complete 250 crazy, awesome things in just one year and tell-all every day. (And sometimes, things even get a little freaky.. oh la la). There isn’t one post of hers I haven’t absolutely adored, and I mean that, straight up.

If you don’t already read this lovely lady, well, I really don’t know what you do with your time. Go!

 

p.s. for the weirdos who read my blog (um, you know who you are..) the words “Poutine” “Beefcake” and “Cock” are the stars of my guest post today. Just saying.

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UPDATE: What ever happened to that script I submitted? Well, let me tell you..

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So a couple of weeks ago I get this email. And I know it’s not a typical email, like from my friends or sister or mom. Those have the usual subject headings like, “yo” “hey sandy” or “hi it’s your mother you never call me anymore i love you”.

Anyway.

This email had a different subject line and was from an unrecognized email address. It was my professor’s. She’d contacted me to say that, yes, my script (you can read about it here) was received, read and judged by the committee, and that, yes, it had been short-listed. (SHORT LISTED!) But no cigar.

At first I was like, “what the balls! I suck… why do I even bother writing at all. God!” But that lasted for like, 10 seconds (who really has the time for self-deprecation anymore), because when I stepped back for a breather I realize that my script – my first go at a screenplay – made it all the way to a short list, which means that people actually liked my work, which means I’m not totally useless at the keyboard, which means that maybe I sniff a new career here, which means that it’s only a matter of time (what, six months maybe?) before HBO sends me an email (which I know will not be from my mother) asking me to write their next blockbuster series, which means it’s only a matter of time before I’m hob nobbing with the likes of Alan Ball, Diablo Cody and splitting a cigar with Speilberg. Right? …Right?

(I really need to stop drinking before I post.)

Anyway, the point is that I gave screenwriting a shot, a hit of what I had, and it came back to me with pretty good results for a first-time around, even if it didn’t win a chance to be produced, which was the “prize” all the screenwriters were chomping at the bit for.

But then…

I got another email from my professor (she is the lovely woman who first encouraged me to enter the contest). She told me that not only did I make the coveted SHORT LIST, but apparently my little number made it all the very top of at least one judge’s list. ONE WHOLE JUDGE. THE TOP OF HIS LIST.

Now that’s pimp.

So why am I sharing this news at the risk of sounding like oh, I dunno, I’m a big face, tooting my own horn, injecting my ego with a dose of pompous loser? Because giving myself credit at all is actually a big, big step for me.  I’m working hard on this during this reinvention of mine. Also, I share this news because I’m hoping you get inspired to hook yourself up with a little flattery, too.

People just don’t give themselves credit for anything anymore, do they? Not a pat on the back, not a high five, not a slap in the ass for doing a fucking awesome job. But then again, have we, as a modern society, ever done that? (Oh hell, did I just use the word “society”? Hang. Me. Now.)

But I do have a point, I swear! Read on.

Why is it so hard to throw ourselves a little well-deserved credit every now and again?

I mean, if a friend told me her first-time-ever screenplay made a short list, I’d buy her a drink! I’d tell all my other friends! I’d congratulate her until I was blue in the face and her cheeks were a rosy hue of “aw, shucks”. Why? Because that’s what you do when someone does something fucking awesome.

So there. This is my high-five, way to go, ass-slap, double-cheek kiss for having the balls to try something new, something I was afraid of, something that left me having to expose a once guarded side of myself… and then making a short list for it.

Booyah.

So, spill it. What awesome thing(s) have YOU done lately? Give yourself props in the comments box below.

(hey, and don’t be shy either.. um, I can see stats back here you know, and way more of you are reading, lurking, stalking and not commenting… spread the love now y’all)

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