is this the end?

by sandyb on July 30, 2010

Yesterday, I was working on what I think will be one of my final posts for this blog. Sad, but true.

ReinventingSandyB came about during a time when I needed just that – to reinvent my life for this next chapter ahead – “Chapter 30″, if you will. People used to make fun of how often people like Madonna or Prince or Oprah changed their look and vibe, but they were on to something, I tell you. On to something big. Reinvention is the source of inspiration and inspiration is the spice of life. Well, that and a good class of wine – that helps inspiration, too.

But this particular stage of my life is coming up on its deadline – August 21, my birthday – and, although I don’t want to collapse the blogging, I wonder if this particular blog will have a purpose beyond this year.  In fact, July 25 (five whole days ago) was my “one year blogging anniversary” and I didn’t even remember until the last few winks before sleep last night (this was my first post.)

I’M HUGE ON ANNIVERSARIES… HOW COULD I MISS THIS ONE?

And then it hit me – this blog isn’t the project, I am.

There are so many things – both awesome and not – that have happened over the last year, few of which I’ve written about here. I mean, I haven’t held back with my thoughts and the details of my daily life, but there have been some exceptions. Some things were just too tender to be shared… just yet.

Number seven on my List is “Finish Chapter One”, something any writer can relate to. I’ve started the first chapter of a so-called book more times than I’ve made chicken for dinner (and that’s a lot, by the way.) There are some authors and writers who are just able to pump out books like suburbanites pump out babies, with almost annual releases and ridiculously lucrative book deals and for-movie proposals. The only difference I can see between them and me (or you) is that THEY’RE ACTUALLY FINISHING THEIR WORK, which, if you’re a writer, is the battle in a nutshell: Finishing the work.

I bet you have at least a dozen partially finished pieces in a drawer or on your desktop somewhere. Don’t you?

That said, over my french press coffee yesterday morning, as I was writing what might just be my final post on this blog (due in about four weeks or so) I realized that I have been writing Chapter One… all. year. long. And you, faithful supporters of this little ole blog, have been my best audience; my muse; my motivation to keep writing, even when I didn’t think I could or wanted to.

Your emails and comments (most of you email me, by the way… comments are light these days) have made me take a good look at myself – your feedback has helped pull me out of some dark moments when I thought, surely, I wasn’t meant to write a damn thing at all. When I needed most, an email would appear in my inbox, telling me that I inspired you to create a Birthday List, to start a business, go for that goal or wear your wedding dress on your birthday. Like, wow, people, just wow. And thank you a million times.

I’m still on the fence about the future of this blog, but I’m no longer on the fence about that first chapter: It will be about me, it will be about this year and the things that made the growing pains worth going through, but most of all, it will be for you.

Send out good vibes, if you please, that my little story hits a bookshelf near you… someday soon. And if it did, would you read it?

  • Share/Bookmark

{ 4 comments }

maxed out.

by sandyb on July 27, 2010

I read this first thing today and it make me think this:

If you can think of a situation where you’ve been told there is a “maximum” on what you can do, get out. Immediately.

Now, there is a difference between just following the rules – “this is your max number of vacation days”; “this is the max amount of time for this phone call”; “this is the maximum withdrawal of funds in one day” – and knowing when you’re just being held down. Unfortunately, I’ve never been very good at following [stupid, senseless, obscure] rules, so I don’t know what that difference is. But, as I approach 30 in less than a month, I can tell you that there aren’t many “maximums” created to help elevate you – your career, your ideas, your relationships (hello, religion?) or your self-esteem. But that’s just been my experience and I want to pass on this bit of information, with no maximum on honesty.

Some of you will disagree with me – totally fair, of course – and say that rules are put in place for a reason, there must be maximums! or how will we know when we’ve gone too far?

Well, wouldn’t it be nice – just think of it for a moment – to set your own maximums based on your own trial and error? If every person in history obeyed the “maximums” put in place by people before them (dripping with past agendas) well, we might not know what the surface of the moon looks like; we might never know what it really means to “drag and drop” on our computers; we might never know what happens when you move to the front of the bus anyway or stalk the front steps of government buildings to earn the right to vote.

If you pay attention to ‘their’ max, you’ll surely never discover your own.

  • Share/Bookmark

{ 2 comments }

hit the gas.

by sandyb on July 22, 2010

Yesterday, before a meeting with my new business partner (yes, thaaat’s right), I drove over a pylon (note: it took three tries to spell that word correctly… I don’t think I’ve ever had to write it before this post. Interesting.)

My neighbors have apparently caught our renovation disease and are fixing up their home, too. Adding a nursery, I think, since they have a baby due this September. Cool couple – easy going and social, like us. And, in true Toronto-free-loving fashion, they’re married lesbians. Obviously.

So, yesterday afternoon, as I hop into my [extremely messy and parking-ticket laden hatch back] I notice several pylons stacked around a white van parked right in front of me. They belong to the contractors working on our neighbor’s house. “These pylons are so close to my car,” I say to no one, but I think nothing of it, jump into the hatch back and drive away.

With a pylon underneath my car.

Loud and obscure noises start to drown out my car radio. “I hate this fucking car!” comes spilling out of my mouth in spades, because I’m convinced that yet another problem has arisen (like, the other day my car was towed – $250. and last month, I was hit from behind. and then I hit a pole… on the same day. um… I sure hope my insurance broker doesn’t read my blog.)

I call Rob to both laugh and complain about this weird noise coming from underneath the car. At this point, I still have no idea that I’m driving with a, um, passenger, if you will. “I think I might have hit a pylon,” I confess, “but c’mon! How stupid would that be? Besides, I’m wearing a really cute dress and I’m not crawling under the car to see what’s up.” He tells me there is no other way – I have to scooch on my hands and knees and see what’s going on. I hate when he’s right about these things, which, thankfully, happens rarely (ha! score one for me.)

Convinced that the universe is, once again, having a little fun with me, I pull over and crawl on my hands and knees to inspect. Nothing turns up. So, naturally, I get back in the car and keep driving for another block.

The noise only gets louder and now I’m laughing, certain that there is a pylon under my car as I’m on the way to a meeting and a networking event later that night. OF COURSE THERE IS A PYLON UNDER MY CAR.

For the second time, I pull over: I reverse, drive forward, reverse, drive, reverse, drive, etc etc. But my car births no pylon. It’s wedged up there, alright. Of course.

I get out of the hatch back again and notice a couple of neighbors are now watching me – I’ve become the afternoon entertainment for the old lady across the street who never leaves her porch and for the middle-aged man who always smells like wine. Perfect.  At least I know this whole episode is doing someone some good.

So, for the final time I get down on all fours and look under the car and, to my delight, there it is: The big orange pylon, squished and mashed, and adhered to the undercarriage of my car. Fabulous.

I take a couple of breaths. I’m both relieved that this problem can be fixed, yet miffed that it’s now confirmed, yes, I’ve somehow managed to drive over a big, orange object  in the middle of the road (the wine-smelling guy is surely thinking, ‘humph, women drivers…’).

On hands and knees now, I yank on the pylon a couple of times, determined to get it out as quickly as possible – there is no way I’m staying down here for more than a few seconds, I think to myself.  I have my limits.

Within a few heartbeats, I set it free, toss it to the side of the road, hop in my car, blast the radio and drive off into the thick Toronto heat (oh, did I mention there is no longer AC in my car?) to have a very productive evening on the town.

And that, dear readers of this little ole blog, is how I problem solve.

What ever gets in your way today, don’t let it stop you from moving forward.


  • Share/Bookmark

{ 4 comments }

this just gave me goosebumps: i’m SO ready.

by sandyb on July 20, 2010

Every so often, I’ll find a video on YouTube that describes what I want to communicate better than I can write it (also, I still can’t upload photos, so videos it is.)

These are my teachers; four incredibly inspiring people who helped me fall in love with yoga again, not because they knew it or even set out to, but because good students make good teachers, and they are very humbly both.

These pictures really are worth a thousand words…

  • Share/Bookmark

{ 1 comment }

the truth about the way i do things.

by sandyb on July 20, 2010

In one month and one day, I will be 30. And somehow, this month before the big day weighs heaviest on my shoulders, even above the day itself.

There is still work to be done.

I’ve always been a girl who likes to work under pressure. This is probably why being an editor at a magazine appealed to me so much – I love a challenge and, for me, time presents the greatest challenge of all to us mere mortals, wouldn’t you say?

From the time I was competing in figure skating at nine, my coach noticed it right away – I performed best under pressure. I would work hard and carefully – jumping, spinning, figure-8′ing – all season, trying to perfect my solo routine – I knew every cue in my music, every glitch in the song (we used tapes back then) and every note that coincided with the jumps I dreaded most. And, even though I loved knowing the details, I sometimes felt overwhelmed by them and I’d start to panic. Yes, even at nine.

It was too much sometimes and, although I never quit trying, there were days I retreated to my bedroom to sulk and cry after a particularly bad day on my skates. “Why can’t I do it!?” I would scream, as I pounded up the stairs of our family home to my bedroom. I would scour under the covers, cry for a few minutes into my pillow and then, I would just lie there, and wait.

Within a few hours – after Beverly Hills 90210 reruns and episodes of Married with Children, accompanied by a chicken soup from mom – I would emerge from the depths of my bedroom and tormented young mind only to feel like there was still some fight left in me. “Wait until I get back on that ice”, I would say to my mom as she dropped off my tray of pitty-soup and ‘I love you no matter what’ crackers. She knew, no matter how bad my day was on the ice, I was determined to keep pushing until I was satisfied. Even at nine, my mom trusted me that much – she knew that sadness and sense of defeat would never last long. Whether she was just a proud mother who refused to believe she raised her daughter to give up or a parent simply humbled by her daughter’s frustration,  looking back, her faith in me has done wonders for my self-esteem. In times of hurt, anger or confusion in my life, having my mother know I’ll pull through makes me believe that I can.  (yes, even though she drives me absolutely nuts in the process of it all.)

And so, as I near the end of my List (and, therefore, my birthday) here are the things that are giving me a little bit of pressure and a lot of motivation to get shit done…

A recap and a few cross offs:

1. Sky dive
Cliche, sure, but it’s on here! In fact, it’s been on my list since age 25. No kidding. I most definitely want to be part of the club that’s jumped out of a small airplane, 3,000 feet in the air, with nothing more than a thin layer of synthetic material ushering me safely to the ground. Ya, sign me up.
**I’ve handed this booking over to my family – the last time my family pulled together to gift me with something tremendous was for my wedding – my beloved dress and the fact that they were all there, for me, on a beach in Mexico was a dream come true. I don’t tell them that often enough, but it’s true. So, I’d love nothing more than the same three – mom, dad, sister – to be the ones who make jumping from 10s of thousands of feet in the air another supreme reality for me. (mom has already booked the day off to watch. August 19.)

2. Get my motorcycle license (the “M1″)
I love riding around on scooters on vacation. It’s time to bring a little of that back home. I really want to boot around the city in a shiny new Vespa.
**Silly excuses! The handbook I should have read weeks ago has been buried in a box somewhere since the move. If I don’t book my course and test by the end of today, I’m dead meat. And, even though I can’t quite get together enough scratch to actually purchase a Vespa this year, I’d like to have that license in my wallet as an incentive to save up for one.

4. Visit a Canadian city that’s not Montreal
With so many beautiful cities just a car ride away there is no reason not to see a city in my own backyard. And no, Montreal does not count. (I lived there very briefly one summer).
**Dear Rob, our credit card will be taking care of this one for me (us?). I’d love a cottage by the sea, peace and quiet and more seafood than one gal can stand. I was hoping for PEI or Newfoundland, but I’ll settle for any old city that’s just not Toronto or Montreal. fyi.

5. Shape up…more
I  work out on the regular, but I want to stand naked in front of a mirror on my thirtieth birthday and say, “damn girl, nice ass!” and really, really mean it. I was a competitive figure skater as a teenager and know what being “in shape” feels like. But I want to top that.
**My personal trainer, BigV, nearly killed me a month ago. Then I started my one-month long yoga training, which was INTENSE on the body and mind. I texted my trainer today and I’ll be back on the V-train early next week. Game on. He makes love my butt and hamstrings like no other.

7. Finish “chapter one”
I’ve written a version of “chapter one” a dozen times, but have never finished. I’m addicted to multi-tasking. What I really need to do is just sit, turn off my BlackBerry, put the kybosh on Facebook, and write. (Wow, I almost didn’t finish this paragraph.)
**Ya, ya. I’m on it. Chapter one may be a short one, but it will be the best first chapter I’ve ever written. I can feel it… but it’ll be created under pressure, I just know it.

8. This blog
I want it to inspire others but most of all I want it to inspire me. Everyday. The “end date” is August 21, 2010.
**30 days + 1 to go!

9. Reinvent dinner
Take greasy, nasty, fatty, sloppy meals and “Cinderella” them. Once a week make over my favorite recipes into cleaner, healthier versions. I love doing this but have stopped since the move to the new apartment. Need to rekindle this love.
**Recipe post to come!

10. Love my skin
Once a week do something fabulous for my dermis. I hear my 30’s are the make or break decade for your skin. Buff it, exfoliate it, moisturize it, love it – it’s the only one I get.
**My skin-care regime in details to come!

11. Eat green everyday
Green foods are amazing. My research at my day job (I work as an editor for a fitness magazine. Seriously) reminds of this every day. I skip out on veggies way more than I know I should. For the next year eating ‘green’ will be a habit, even on the weekends.
**”Green Shake” recipe post to come!

There are are more, but just an update on these bad boys for now.

So, how’s your Birthday List coming?


  • Share/Bookmark

{ 5 comments }

me on HBO?

July 17, 2010

Last Saturday, my sister and I auditioned (well, it was a “go-see”, which means you go there, they see you) for a new Spielberg-directed television series about aliens – sort of like the now defunct show Lost, but with an extraterrestrial twist. My dad had everything to do with this opportunity (I wrote about it [...]

Read the full article →

For me every ‘me’, there is a ‘you’.

July 16, 2010

Partnerships.
Last winter I turned to Rob and my sister and said, “You know what? this year, for me, it’s all about partnerships. Finding the right people to work with.”
I’ve always been somewhat of a loner. When I was a competitive figure skater, I refused to have a “boy partner” because I wanted to skate alone [...]

Read the full article →

nurturer or straight up “staff”?

July 15, 2010

I don’t often discuss marriage on the blog, although I did here and here a long, long time ago. But after two and half years of marriage and 11 and a half years of relationshipping with the same man (that would be Rob for those newly arrived here) I still have questions. I think I [...]

Read the full article →

How To: grab a thought, plus learn how to incorporate “vijajay” into any conversation.

July 13, 2010

Every so often, I make my over to the “stats” area of this little ole blog of mine. And sometimes I have my suspicions confirmed that there are some seriously strange-ass people finding my blog via the interweb. And odd searches on Google.
For instance, this week’s most popular searches include: “how to grab a thought” [...]

Read the full article →

conversations with my sister: BBM edition.

July 13, 2010

{90 minutes before we’re about to leave to watch the greatest show on Earth… or at least in Toronto last night… this happened}
Me: “Why aren’t you eating the mango chicken?”
She: “What?… I am eating the mango chicken.”
Me: “Um, no… you have like, the whole thing on your plate.”
She: {pissed} “Why are you watching me eat?!”
Me: [...]

Read the full article →

I have a lot in common with LeBron James and Simon Cowell… apparently.

July 11, 2010

There are moments when I wonder if I’ll ever be happy. I mean truly content.
Do you ever get that feeling? That sinking feeling that you might never just breath, look around and say, “I love it all. And I wouldn’t change a thing.”
I do. I get that feeling. Often.
My life is in transition – quit [...]

Read the full article →

Friday night thoughts. And ponders.

July 9, 2010

My dad shows my picture to everyone.
He happened to show it to a client of his recently. That client is in the film business. And he knows a woman who is an agent. She’s looking for ‘talent’ to audition for a film tomorrow. And, because my dad showed his client not only my photo but [...]

Read the full article →

Get lost.

July 8, 2010

I’m thinking about two things right now (well, more than two, but these two relate to this blog, so.)
I’m thinking about the end of my current List and the start of my next one. I’m thinking that, before 31, I’d like to get lost somewhere. In another country. Inside my heart. Inside my head. Although, [...]

Read the full article →

← Previous Entries